


'Til the End

by fanfic814



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (Extremely brief non-graphic mention of) Self-Harm, Blow Jobs, Caretaker Dean, Drug Use, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Orgy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 14:52:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6474679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfic814/pseuds/fanfic814
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Cas wants is for Dean to treat him like he does the rest of the crew.  He knows he's a major-league fuck-up, so why the hell is Dean always so goddamn nice to him?</p><p>Based on an anonymous SPN Kink Meme prompt, April 2016</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Cas was fucked up.

Again.

He had no idea how much he'd had to drink this evening, but he did know that he'd also gone through his entire stash of weed. On the bright side, he was finally mellowed out.

Tonight had been a particularly bad night. Not that his days were usually much better - they were living in the endtimes, after all - but some days he coped better than others.

He picked up the bottle in his hand and raised it to his lips, taking in the last swig of whiskey. It was just about then that he realized he was lying spread-eagle across the porch of his cabin.

He braced himself on his elbows, and rolled over, slowly raising his head and squinting into the purple dusk. The loud rumble of a Jeep engine startled him as it rolled back in to camp, and he struggled desperately to sit up, but his head was just too damn dizzy.  He slumped back down, face-first onto the porch. He closed his eyes to make the world stop spinning and lay there quietly, shamefully hoping no one had noticed him.

He could hear the voices of the hunters, back from another successful mission, having eliminated a large handful of Croats who were hovering just outside the compound's border. Half the team was trying to start up an impromptu celebration, but Dean quickly snapped them to attention.

"I need you all ready to roll at 5 a.m. I suggest you be well-rested, so if you're celebrating, keep it short. Chuck, I want a food supply report by the time we get back tomorrow. Risa, I need you to get me a report on our ammo situation tomorrow too. Everyone get some sleep and I'll see you back here at five."

Dean turned and headed toward his cabin, and Cas tried to make himself as small as possible as he passed his porch.

"Cas?" The footsteps stopped and Cas sighed.

"No...?" _Shit_ , he wasn't supposed to say that out loud.

The footsteps drew closer until Cas heard one hit the wooden step and his eyes flew open to a very blurry Dean staring down at him.

"C'mon, let's get you to bed," Dean said simply, hauling Cas's dead weight up onto his feet. "Hold on to me," he instructed.

Cas sighed and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck as Dean grabbed around his waist. Slowly, they made their way to the bed where Dean lowered him down.

"Stay sitting for a minute, " Dean said as he started unbuttoning Cas's shirt.

"What are you doing? " Cas murmured.

"Well you puked on yourself, " Dean sighed. "So let me clean you up." He carefully eased the shirt off his shoulders and tossed it in the corner, then retreated to the bathroom for a damp cloth.

Cas sat perfectly still as Dean wiped his face and chest. He was used to this kind of treatment from Dean, but he could never understand why. For God's sake, he was a major-league fuck-up. He was drunk or high most days, and on the odd chance that he wasn't, he was fucking himself up in other ways - emotionally with empty, meaningless sex, or physically with a razor. It was safe to say that he wasn't coping well with being human, or with the end of the world looming.

He was absolutely no help to anyone anymore, so when Dean showed him kindness like this, it just made him feel sad and guilty. He certainly didn't deserve to be taken care of. Not to mention, Dean was a phenomenal leader partly because he was able to emotionally detach.  He was fairly cold and emotionless to most of the crew, so why the hell did he give a shit about a worthless stoner like himself?

"There ya go," Dean said as he tossed the towel with Cas's dirty shirt. "Lie down and sleep it off, Cas. "

Cas nodded sullenly and fell back on the mattress.

"Uh uh. On your side. I don't need you choking on vomit again. " He gave Cas a nudge until he rolled over. "Besides, you gotta make room for me."

"Hmm?"

"I'm sleeping here tonight. Make sure you're alright." He settled into the bed and flipped the covers up over them both. "Night, Cas."

"Goodnight, " Cas whispered weakly.  Goddammit, what the hell was wrong with Dean?

Cas awoke alone, Dean having left with his crew as promised at 5 a.m.  He'd left some canned food and a note on the counter instructing Cas to eat something.

Cas fought with the hand-held can opener and finally managed to pry open the cans of... what was it today?   Tuna (again), and 'Whole Baby Potatoes in Water'.  Gross.  He should be thankful that they had any food rations at all, but God, he'd just about kill for a cheeseburger.  It had been years since he'd had one, but he could still taste it.  The bad thing about being stoned these days was never being able to fulfill the horrible case of munchies afterward.

He drained the water off his lunch and slumped down at the table, still internally struggling with what had happened last night.  Did Dean truly not realize how fucked up and depraved he was? He wished he'd just treat him the way he treated everyone else. Or even just ignore him. The special treatment, though he was grateful for it, usually made him feel worse about himself.

Well, he was pretty sure Dean wouldn't want anything to do with him after the planned orgy tonight. Sure, Dean knew he'd done it before, but this time it was going to happen about the time he would be coming home. And since he almost always came to check on him, Dean was about to see him at his worst.

Well, at least he wouldn't have to deal with the guilt of Dean taking care of him anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas had taken a little more acid than usual tonight, and he was, quite frankly, _tripping balls_. The ladies were pretty high tonight too, and for the first time in a while, Cas was actually really enjoying himself. Or at least he _was_ until he saw Dean... or more accurately, _many_ Deans. Every one of the girls' faces kept morphing into _Dean_. _Dean_ kissing his neck, _Dean_ grinding against his hip, _Dean_ sucking his cock. _Dean_ , once again giving him pleasure that he didn't deserve. He closed his eyes and let a few tears slip down his cheek. The girls didn't seem to notice and he wasn't about to stop them anyway.

Dean- the real Dean- walked in shortly thereafter, quickly backtracking when he realized what he was interrupting.  "Whoa, sorry! I'll come back later."

"You're welcome to stay," Cas breathed. "In fact, you should join us, Dean. They're all you anyway. "

"What?"

Cas closed his eyes confusedly, his trip sending him down paths he didn't want to think about. "I don't know," he said bitterly.  "It doesn't matter.  None of it matters.  I can't get off like this anyway... I used to be able to, but it's like my body doesn't even care anymore," he blurted, talking mostly to himself. "Just do what you want." He went limp on the bed, letting the girls have their way with him.

Dean frowned. What the hell? He had to admit that he was having a hard time focusing with three naked women in front of him, but now he was enraged that they seemed to be taking full advantage of his high friend.

"Ladies? I think this is over for tonight," he suddenly demanded.

Squeals of protest echoed through the cabin, but they knew better than to defy their fearless leader. Dean had a short fuse these days and frankly, they wouldn't put it past him to boot them out of the compound if they pushed their luck.  Slowly, they dispersed, making hushed comments to each other as they left.

"Why did you do that?" Cas asked confusedly. Surely he thought Dean would be disgusted enough to flee.  He sure as hell didn't expect him to break it up.

"Because you're high as fuck, and you aren't even enjoying yourself..." Dean sighed. "And I'm not even entirely sure that whole thing counts as consensual..."

"I'm fine, Dean," Cas said angrily. "Not like it would be the first time."

Dean paused, dumbfounded.  "Um."  He cleared his throat.  "Yeah, well too late, because they're gone now. So why don't you go wash up and I'll make you some dinner?  Chuck found us a shitload of supplies yesterday and I think you're gonna like it."

Cas felt like crying. What the hell was it going to take to make Dean realize what a horrible person he was?   The remnants of his trip were still making him feel a little woozy and he was hallucinating a bit.  Still, he managed to stand up and walk toward the bathroom as Dean bit his lip and sighed.  "At least you used protection."

Cas looked down at the condom still hanging from his now-limp cock and he laughed halfheartedly as he watched it suddenly morph into a snake.

"Cas?" Dean was staring at him questioningly.

"Uh.  Nothing.  Sorry."  Cas turned and hurried into the bathroom to wash up.  When he returned, Dean was sitting at his table with two plates in front of him.

"Eat," he demanded.

"Is this..."

"PB&J," Dean said proudly. "I know it's your favorite.  We found an entire convenience store that hadn't been raided the other day.  Took everything we could.  Chuck even talked me into taking the baking supplies, so the bread is homemade.  He's been baking all day."

"Wow," Cas said softly, taking his first bite.  "It's even better than I remembered..."

Dean nodded.  "Me too."

They sat and ate in an awkward silence until Cas couldn't stand it any longer.  "Dean, why are you here?" he blurted.

"What do you mean?"

"I..."  Cas struggled for words.  It didn't help that he was still tripping a little and Dean's head kept changing sizes.  "I just mean, you don't have to keep checking up on me!  I'm fine."

Dean shrugged.  "I'm not 'checking up on you', Cas. I just... like to visit," he said nonchalantly.

Cas nodded, feeling a little frustrated.  "Well, thanks for dinner.  But I'm pretty tired.  I think I'm going to go to bed."

"'Kay," Dean said, giving him a quick once-over. "Guess I'll head to bed too then," he said, once he was satisfied that Cas seemed okay.

Cas watched him head out the door and crashed back down on his bed.  He couldn't believe Dean bought that - there was no way in hell he was tired after dropping acid. If anything, he was completely wired.  The hallucinations _were_  slowing though, and he was finally starting to come down.

Well, if he actually wanted to sleep tonight, maybe a little weed was in order.  Thankfully he was able to procure a new batch before the girls arrived.  He dragged himself out of bed and dug out his rolling papers.  Or more accurately, he tore a few more pages out of an old Bible.  The irony there was not lost on him.

He rolled himself the biggest joint he could manage and crawled back in bed, propping himself up against his pillows.   Within minutes, he was feeling pretty good again.  Acid was fun, but being stoned off his ass on weed kept him going most days.  He leaned his head back against the wall and breathed deeply, savoring the burning in his lungs and the sense of calm and relaxation that came with it.

He wished Dean were still here to share it with.  Dean didn't smoke too often, but on rare occasion when they didn't have anything pressing planned, he'd actually take a hit or two.  He was always wound so tightly, the weed seemed to do him some good.

_Dean_.  Cas sighed.  Dean was so good to him, and he didn't understand why.  Maybe it was pity.  Or maybe it was just because, unlike him, Dean was a good person.  Dean gave and gave, and gave, even when he got nothing back in return...

By the time he'd finished his huge joint, he was feeling pretty mellow and sentimental and sappy.  He suddenly wanted nothing more than to repay Dean for all of his kindness. Of course, he didn't know how he could possibly do that.  What did _he_ have to offer that Dean would even want?

_Blowjobs_ , his stoned brain suddenly suggested.   _Who the hell doesn't like blowjobs?_

Well, Cas decided.  He might be high, but that seemed to make a lot of sense.  Yeah.  He was going to do it.  Right now.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean had made his way back to his cabin somewhat sadly.  It was hard watching Cas destroy himself, and some days he took it much harder than others.  At least he seemed to be somewhat coherent when he left tonight.

It had been a long freakin' day, so he crawled into his bed like he always did, gun loaded and ready for action on the nightstand next to him.

He had only been asleep for about an hour when he was awakened by the sound of his door creaking open.  Immediately his hand reached for the gun as he sat stone-still, waiting for a clue as to who was in his room.  The shadowy figure walked past his window and he immediately paused, setting the gun gently back down on the nightstand.  Cas?  What the hell was he doing here?

He watched Cas come closer and flip the bottom of his covers up, then he gently sat on the edge of the bed.  Dean's heart was pounding in his chest.  What the hell?

Cas's hands grabbed the waistband of his shorts and he tugged, eliciting a tiny gasp from Dean's lips.

"Dean?" Cas whispered quietly.

Dean didn't answer.  He didn't know if Cas was expecting a response or not, but to be honest, he was too confused to speak.

Immediately, Cas began caressing the inside of his thighs, and fondling his flaccid cock.

"C...Cas?" Dean finally managed, flipping his lamp back on.

"Mmmhmm," Cas responded.

Dean's dick was already showing interest, even though he knew it probably shouldn't be. What the hell was Cas trying to do?

"You're so good to me, Dean," Cas whispered, tears streaming down his face. "I don't know why, but you're so good to me. Let me take care of you for a change."

"Cas, you don't have to do that..."

"Want to, Dean. Please let me," Cas's eyes were wide and pleading and Dean was pretty sure he couldn't find it in him to say no.

Dean nodded slowly.  At least he was pretty much just stoned now.  God, he loved Cas. Even when he was like this.  Whatever Cas wanted, Dean was going to give it to him. He reached down and stroked his hair.  "Of course, Cas. I want you to..." he moaned as his cock rose to Cas's lips.

Cas began working away happily, using both his hands and his mouth to tease him.

"Ohhh, that's nice," Dean sighed.  "So good, angel. You're so good for me."

Cas huffed. Even now, Dean was heaping on the praise.   This wasn't supposed to be about _him_ , it was about thanking Dean, repaying him for his kindness.  The thought hung heavy in his mind and subconsciously or not, he started playing a little rougher.

Dean arched into him.  "That's it, baby. Oh god, that's good."  He was cradling his head in his hands now, stroking him like a cat.  "Such a good boy... you're beautiful, angel..."

Cas was getting frustrated again.  Goddammit, he couldn't even give him a quick and dirty 'thank you' blowjob without Dean babying him.  He kind of wanted Dean to get rough, to _use_ him.  He deserved to just use him however he pleased. It was the least he could do.

"I dont know what I did to deserve you, Cas.  Mmm, I like that..."

Cas pulled back in a huff.  "Goddammit!  Just... fuck my face already!" he yelled.

Dean stared at him in confusion for a moment.  He wasn't sure why Cas was so insistent, but he seemed pretty damn sure he wouldn't stop until Dean did it.  He nodded slowly.

"Alright, baby..." he started, sitting up.  "You want me to fuck your face?  Get up here."

Cas was panting in excitement before he even moved. Dean was finally going to _take_ from him, rather than give.    
  
Dean piled a few pillows to prop his head up and made him lie down on the bed.  He straddled Cas's shoulders and leaned forward, shoving into his eagerly open mouth.  Cas's hands immediately latched onto his ass.

"No, no," Dean breathed.  "That's enough for now, angel. You okay?"

Cas nodded, frantically sucking at him. "Fuck me," he mumbled.

Dean started slowly moving his hips as Cas moaned.  "You like that?" Dean whispered.

"Mmmhmm."

"Can you take more?"

"Mmmnngh... yes."

Dean shoved into him further, marveling at Cas's lack of gag reflex.    He sat there a moment, just reveling in the feeling before Cas suddenly slapped his ass.

"Holy shit," Dean laughed.  "Alright, I'll move!"  He started pumping into him again as he stroked Cas's hair, staring down at him reverently.  "God, you're amazing, Cas.  Feels so good, baby..."

Cas sighed and gave up.  Dean was just too damn good to him no matter what.  Oh well.  At the very least he was going to give him a good show. He still deserved the best goddamn blowjob of his life.

A few minutes later, Dean collapsed backward, completely exhausted.  Damn, Cas was good with his mouth.  Of course, he didn't want to think about _how_ he'd gotten that good.

"Jesus, Cas," he panted, rolling over onto his back.  "Come here."  He wiped the mess from around Cas's mouth and kissed him hard, then pulled him into his arms.  "You beautiful angel, you.  Where did that come from?"

Cas shrugged sheepishly.  "I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

He sighed deeply.  "Why the hell are you always so damn nice to me?" he suddenly yelled. "Goddammit, Dean!  I wanted to make this about _you_ , and you still keep calling me all these nice things, treating me like I'm something I'm not..."  He took a deep breath, trying hard to stop the tears that had started to fall.  "I'm completely useless!  A total fuck-up!  Why the hell do you even bother with me? "

"Cas," Dean said, not quite sure what to say.  He wrapped his arms around him tighter and shushed him as he kissed his forehead.  "You are not useless. Don't you ever say that.  You're not."

"I am!  I'm fucking drunk or high 95% of the time!  I kill the time with meaningless sex and drugs... sometimes multiple drugs and multiple people at once!  I..."

"You are _not_ useless, Cas."

Cas let loose an ugly sob.   "Stop saying that!   Dean, I'm..."

"No," Dean said firmly.   _"You_ stop.  Cas, you are the only fucking reason I'm holding my shit together at all.   _You_ , Cas. If you weren't here with me, I don't know what I'd do.  I probably would have offed myself ages ago."

Cas laughed bitterly.  "What the hell do I possibly have to offer you, Dean?"

"Just yourself.  That's all I want.  Look, I know how hard all of this has been for you..."

"It's been hard for _all_ of us," Cas spat indignantly.

"But especially you. You've been hit harder than any of us. You're _human_ now.  That alone must have been hell to figure out.  This whole end of world scenario playing out with your family...   Jesus, Cas, I'm just glad you're still here.  I'm sorry you're having a hard time coping.  Honestly, it hurts like hell to see you doing this to yourself.  But I don't blame you.  Shit's fucked up.  And I wish I could fix it all, Cas.  I wish I could fix things so badly, but I can't.  So I'm just... gonna be here for you.  However and whenever you'll let me.  I will never leave you behind.  Ever."

"Dean..." Cas sniffled, his eyes wide and watery. "I'm sorry I put you through all this.  I don't know how you put up with it."

"Don't apologize.  Just don't.  We're all doing the best we can under shitty circumstances. You included. Stop beating yourself up over it."

Cas was bawling inconsolably now, and Dean just let him, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead.

"I love you, you idiot," he whispered, and Cas just gripped him tighter.  "I don't know how all this is going to play out. We're either gonna get through this together, or go down swinging together. But I'm not doing any of it without you."

Cas sniffled.  "I'd... probably be gone if it weren't for you too," he finally managed.

Dean was tearing up now too. He took a deep breath and pressed a chaste kiss to Cas's lips, wiping his tears away with his thumbs.

"Listen. It's you and me against the world right now. Don't shut me out. Talk to me."

Cas took a deep breath and attempted a smile. "I'll try."

"Good... " Dean paused. "You think maybe in the meantime you could cool it with the orgies?" he asked nervously.

Cas's face flushed a dark shade of red. "Uhh..."

"Because I was thinking maybe we could share this cabin... we might feel a little less alone and uh... you know, no pressure.  I mean, we don't have to like..."

Cas surged forward and frantically crushed his mouth against Dean's. "Yeah," he breathed as he pulled away. "I think I'd like that."

Dean sighed happily. "Good. Now I have to be up early for a big mission, so why don't we get some sleep?"  he said as he softly kissed Cas's forehead.  
  
Cas nodded and snuggled in closer.  "Goodnight, Dean."  
  
"'Night, Cas."  
  
"...hey Dean?" Cas asked shyly.   
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Think you might need some extra help tomorrow?"   
  
Dean smiled.  "Absolutely."


End file.
